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11:15 

Infamous Impostor
Вот тебе и 19 лет :gigi: Сёрфер, мотоциклист, басист, инжинер.... и ну не даешь этому всему 19 лет :shuffle2:

@темы: EW 101, DM

04:30 

Infamous Impostor
Ну вот и всё =) Осталось ждать и верить.


@темы: and so it is, MHP, HDA, DM

07:07 

Infamous Impostor
People are important.

@настроение: =)

@темы: HDA, and so it is

06:30 

Infamous Impostor
I'm so happy I just want to punch myself :lol:

@настроение: =)))))

@темы: HDA, DM, and so it is

13:13 

Infamous Impostor
Я очень благодарна вселенной за то что она мне послала Мэта :) Anyway you slice it, it all boils down to people around you. I can call myself anti-social all I want, but I'm not. I'm very much social and awesome...I'm fucking awesome and I love my life!
And I like the guy I raced topless to the stop sign :gigi:

@настроение: ы!

@темы: DM, and so it is

10:40 

Infamous Impostor
It took me 1 year and 8 months to find a friend in this country. It is a really big deal for me, since I don't make friends easily. Frienship was is sacred. Especially after that fiasco with people who were my friends, family even, it's been even harder. I've almost given up on the idea of ever finding people to hang out with: people that I actually liked and I could have meaningful and, at the same time, fun conversations with; people who would take me as I am and liked me for that. It is incredibly difficult to perceive or explain even how hard it is to snap out of the state of complete existential crisis, especially when you are absolutely alone in this ginormous world. This world doesn't care about you, so at some point you stop caring about yourself. That's what happened to me. But, like I told Matt, I'm done with this shit.
I was wrong, and I couldn't be happier about it.
I can honestly say that I am really happy and I love my life here as it is, because there's a lot to it I've been missing out on. And, from now on, it's going to be even better.
So, yeah! Fuck everything that's happened. I've got this whole world in front of me at the tips of my fingers. Might as well enjoy, G. Just like you've always wanted.

@настроение: оказывается я так давно не смеялась)

@темы: DM, HDA, and so it is

10:12 

Infamous Impostor
Queen

@настроение: ;)

@темы: HDA, MHP

13:04 

Insipid.

Infamous Impostor
It is absolutely incredible how much I love this life. And yet, I do not have the faintest idea how to live it.

Am I ever going to learn?

Am I ever going to live?


Am I going to regain my voice? All that silence has been building up inside, causing me to stop fighting and succumb to it. I stopped caring about myself entirely. It is not the way to go, is it now? I do not know how to snap out of it. I do not even trust myself to put my shit together, scream, and break out of the shell I have driven myself into. I do not know how to help myself anymore. I just know that no possessions can ever fill that hole inside of me. Somewhere along the line it all stopped making sense to me.
I remember being miserable but inspired: inspired and in love with the world around and inside of me. Now I am neither. I believe this is what real numbness feels like. At some point that girl that used to be me stopped pounding on the door of my consciousness, and silence fell upon me. I do not know what it is going to take to breathe life into her.
They say desperate diseases must have desperate cures, so, I guess it is going to take living to cure insipidity.

I am going to live.

And, I will learn. . . eventually.



@музыка: Prince & The Revolution - Purple Rain

@настроение: numb

@темы: C'est la vie, delusion of possession

11:42 

Infamous Impostor
I have forgotten what it is like to love myself. . .

@настроение: none?

@темы: delusion of possession, C'est la vie

URL
14:15 

Infamous Impostor
I used to make so many mistakes and yet I put so much of my soul into every single word that I had written. I still make mistakes, but somehow my soul is no longer in them. It has become so faded that I have no idea where to find the spark that will make my soul shine through my writting again.

I need you now more than ever...

@настроение: )

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, HDA, and so it is, delusion of possession

01:59 

Infamous Impostor

Нумерология по дате рождения, имени и другим данным
""
Основные увлечения это философия и религия. Зачастую история.
Разговорчивы, бодры и динамичны.

Ваша положительная энергия способна распространяться вокруг вас, настолько интенсивно и заразительно, что порой вас это пугает.
Терпеливый человек.
Делец.
Не подпустит к себе близко никого, кто не разделяет его взглядов и намерений.
Постоянно стремятся к доминированию и власти. Но приобретя власть и положение в обществе зачастую не знаю что с этим делать.
Ваше оружие это обаяние и симпатия людей к вам. Вам совершенно не нужно взламывать замки вам проще обаять сторожа. Вам гораздо проще найти подход к учителю и обаять ( или обмануть чего уж тут скрывать) его, чем учить экзамен. Талантливый организатор направить или научить других - вам гораздо проще, чем сделать самому.
Вы ставить свою жизнь так, что кажетесь незаменимым. Вы упорны в работе и серьезны по отношению к другим людям. Стремление к успеху не должно перерастать в фанатизм, вы должны уметь во время остановиться и сделать передышку. Практически не поддаетесь внешним колебаниям и давлению.
Пройти тест - Нумерология по дате рождения, имени и другим даннымДень Рождения: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1112 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
Месяц Рождения: январь февраль март апрель май июнь июль август сентябрь октябрь ноябрь декабрь
Год Рождения:
Имя:
Ведущая рука: Правая Левая Обе
Цвет глаз: Синий Голубой СерыйЗеленыйЯнтарныйКарийЧерный
Цвет волос: Брюнет Шатен РыжийРусыйБлондин




@темы: DM

11:35 

Infamous Impostor
I miss my inspiration.
I miss you so much.
I miss me.

@настроение: )

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, and so it is, HDA

09:16 

Infamous Impostor
Said this while having an actual congenial conversation with the douche-bag from my class: "The only thing that should be planned in life is a party."
People inspire. I have missed that feeling.

@настроение: )))

@темы: DM, EW 101, just a thought

09:49 

Mindbreak

Infamous Impostor
Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be
broken.

Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by
you no matter what . . . .
. . . . [But] there's [also] the chance that the one person
you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes
better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing
beside you all along.
©

That was one tacky but meaningful bottom line from one stupid movie. My mom asked me to watch with her, and, despite my inner objections, I cooperated. I had not anticipated that it would make me utterly sad, but it did.
How can you go on after realizing that what you had believed in turned out to be one of the greatest disappointments in your life? How can you get over the fact that those bonds you believed to be unbreakable and indecomposable turned to ash and nobody else but you cares about it? Should you care when they do not? Should you do something because they
(most likely?) will not? Were those bonds as strong as you perceived them to be to begin with? Can you ever make bonds this special and expect them to last forever?
I do not know the answers. All I know is, starting out as an exigent person when it comes to relationships of any kind is hard enough. But, being lucky
(?) enough in finding those people and then having lost all that is simply unbearable. Experiencing that during the major change in your life does not help, either. It becomes even more unbearable when realize you are the only one to feel that way.
Wish I could be more like them and say fuck it, turn off the "care" switch, but I would be fooling myself. I care. I care way too much. I have made absolutely no emotional headway in the past couple of months. I hope, eventually, time will make it all seem meaningless.

@настроение: devastated

@темы: C'est la vie, quotes

02:57 

Infamous Impostor
Nobel Prize 1933. As I kept reading the lecture slide, my mind took me to Cornell. My heart started racing as if I had seen the love of my life. Must be Cornell, I thought. Next thing I hear is Dr. Mauk saying the research was conducted at Cornell.
It felt so surreal: one of the reasons why I want to study psychology . . . and at Cornell.

@настроение: fascinated

@темы: DM, HDA, MHP, delusion of possession

05:56 

The Imporance of Being. . . Gestalt

Infamous Impostor
Procrastinating.
Putting off.
Stalling.

It is inconceivable how much my life depends on the limited right combinations of words; words that once used to flow from my fingers, revealing the depth of my soul - a translucent reflection of my mind. It feels like somewhere along the line I have lost my touch. My ability to feel myself is disappearing, and numbness is taking over my existence.
It is ironic: I used to talk about numbness, and yet, when I look back I realize I knew nothing about it. I was alive, I was. . . myself. Somehow, the reality I am living in is trying to push me into a different direction, where thought and reason prevail over feelings. My soul is being ripped apart, its reflection worn out, bitter. . . stronger. (?)
I know the answers about life, but I forgot how to ask questions. I hope that one of these days is a turning point that will bring myself together: blasé, absorbed, whole.

@настроение: *sigh*

@темы: delusion of possession, coming someday, and so it is, MHP, HDA, C'est la vie

05:09 

Big Red

Infamous Impostor
A moment of piercing silence beetled over the room. He looked at me, smiling that candid and catching of his, and said the words I've been craving to hear for the past forever. You're getting in, he said.
The mere thought of that being possible turns the wreckage of my world upside down; it's what keeps me up at night, what wakes me up after only a few hours of sleep. It's the thought that gives me the support I need, makes me move forward, and strives to keep me from looking back.
You're getting in, Galina...
I'm getting in.

@темы: C'est la vie, DM, HDA, MHP, coming someday

09:48 

an overgeneralized, but nonetheless highly applicable, piece of wisdom

Infamous Impostor
Lower your expectations, and people might surprise you; lift expectations up - prepare to be disappointed.


@темы: just a thought

11:03 

The Story of My Life pt. 2

Infamous Impostor
"Жестокость — это черта характера добрых людей, она возникает, когда об твою доброту начинают вытирать ноги."


@настроение: bitter

@темы: C'est la vie, DM, quotes

18:08 

Infamous Impostor
Part of growing up is not learning that people are shit, but that they are, in fact, not.

@настроение: disappointed beyond control

@темы: just a thought

cognitive dissonance

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