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Записи с темой: hda (список заголовков)

Infamous Impostor
I'm going to make a promise to myself and I'm going to try till the bitter end to keep it, because otherwise what's the fucking point of my life?
I'm going to join crossfit and become very strong and tone. I'm never going to smoke again (vaping doesn't count...yet). I'm going to save this fucking semester and wing it, even though it's going to be very hard to do at this point, but I'll do my best. I'm going to keep my 2 jobs and, hopefully, I'll get a third one at a hospital. I'm going to start making enough money to move out and finally live on my own. I'm going to move the fuck out and finally enjoy peace and quiet. And I'll keep working very hard to maintain that lifestyle. And then the time will come and I will graduate. I'll start paying off my student loans, while working possibly two jobs and taking pre-requisits for grad school at a community college. And maybe a year or year and a half later I will apply to USC Keck...and maybe even some other schools in other states. I will get into the program, whichever one I will qualify for most and will make ME happy. And two years later I will finally become a physicians assistant and I'll start making loads of money, which I will spend on traveling the world.
And this entire time from the starting point to the desired destination, I will never ever again let another human being drag me down and make me feel miserable. And I will fuck every single man in uniform I want but I won't let any of them close ever again. And who knows, somewhere down the line I will meet the person that I will truly and fully love, who will be an accomplished, happy person and will love me just the same.
NO wizard that there is or WAS

@темы: and so it is, HDA, C'est la vie


Infamous Impostor
...and all of it is an integral part of life. :)

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
Things are finally looking up. I am going to USC, which, if you look at the bigger picture, is much better than the rest of the schools I applied to.

@темы: EW 101, HDA


Infamous Impostor
Oh well.

@темы: HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
Ну вот и всё =) Осталось ждать и верить.

@темы: and so it is, MHP, HDA, DM


Infamous Impostor
People are important.

@настроение: =)

@темы: HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
I'm so happy I just want to punch myself :lol:

@настроение: =)))))

@темы: HDA, DM, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
It took me 1 year and 8 months to find a friend in this country. It is a really big deal for me, since I don't make friends easily. Frienship was is sacred. Especially after that fiasco with people who were my friends, family even, it's been even harder. I've almost given up on the idea of ever finding people to hang out with: people that I actually liked and I could have meaningful and, at the same time, fun conversations with; people who would take me as I am and liked me for that. It is incredibly difficult to perceive or explain even how hard it is to snap out of the state of complete existential crisis, especially when you are absolutely alone in this ginormous world. This world doesn't care about you, so at some point you stop caring about yourself. That's what happened to me. But, like I told Matt, I'm done with this shit.
I was wrong, and I couldn't be happier about it.
I can honestly say that I am really happy and I love my life here as it is, because there's a lot to it I've been missing out on. And, from now on, it's going to be even better.
So, yeah! Fuck everything that's happened. I've got this whole world in front of me at the tips of my fingers. Might as well enjoy, G. Just like you've always wanted.

@настроение: оказывается я так давно не смеялась)

@темы: DM, HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor

@настроение: ;)

@темы: HDA, MHP


Infamous Impostor
I used to make so many mistakes and yet I put so much of my soul into every single word that I had written. I still make mistakes, but somehow my soul is no longer in them. It has become so faded that I have no idea where to find the spark that will make my soul shine through my writting again.

I need you now more than ever...

@настроение: )

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, HDA, and so it is, delusion of possession


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Infamous Impostor
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Infamous Impostor
I miss my inspiration.
I miss you so much.
I miss me.

@настроение: )

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, and so it is, HDA


Infamous Impostor
Nobel Prize 1933. As I kept reading the lecture slide, my mind took me to Cornell. My heart started racing as if I had seen the love of my life. Must be Cornell, I thought. Next thing I hear is Dr. Mauk saying the research was conducted at Cornell.
It felt so surreal: one of the reasons why I want to study psychology . . . and at Cornell.

@настроение: fascinated

@темы: DM, HDA, MHP, delusion of possession


The Imporance of Being. . . Gestalt

Infamous Impostor
Putting off.

It is inconceivable how much my life depends on the limited right combinations of words; words that once used to flow from my fingers, revealing the depth of my soul - a translucent reflection of my mind. It feels like somewhere along the line I have lost my touch. My ability to feel myself is disappearing, and numbness is taking over my existence.
It is ironic: I used to talk about numbness, and yet, when I look back I realize I knew nothing about it. I was alive, I was. . . myself. Somehow, the reality I am living in is trying to push me into a different direction, where thought and reason prevail over feelings. My soul is being ripped apart, its reflection worn out, bitter. . . stronger. (?)
I know the answers about life, but I forgot how to ask questions. I hope that one of these days is a turning point that will bring myself together: blasé, absorbed, whole.

@настроение: *sigh*

@темы: delusion of possession, coming someday, and so it is, MHP, HDA, C'est la vie


Big Red

Infamous Impostor
A moment of piercing silence beetled over the room. He looked at me, smiling that candid and catching of his, and said the words I've been craving to hear for the past forever. You're getting in, he said.
The mere thought of that being possible turns the wreckage of my world upside down; it's what keeps me up at night, what wakes me up after only a few hours of sleep. It's the thought that gives me the support I need, makes me move forward, and strives to keep me from looking back.
You're getting in, Galina...
I'm getting in.

@темы: C'est la vie, DM, HDA, MHP, coming someday


12:40 AM

Infamous Impostor
... а сигареты есть всегда.

@настроение: смешанное)

@темы: delusion of possession, and so it is, MHP, HDA, C'est la vie


Infamous Impostor
I hope that day will come very soon: the day when I strain my voice once again in celebration of yet another impossible dream coming true...

@музыка: Rollo Dilworth - No Rocks A-Cryin'

@настроение: sentimental kind of happy)

@темы: HDA, MHP


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Infamous Impostor
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Infamous Impostor
- You look so happy.

And I did... I was really happy today. I feel like I'm finally getting there.

@темы: DM, HDA, MHP


Infamous Impostor
Collectivism vs. individualism; east coast - west coast; warm-cold or cold-warmth; so on and so forth.
April, I'm really counting on you. I hope you mark the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life: the chapter full of discoveries, indepence, and new dreams that will come true soon.

@настроение: excited

@темы: HDA, MHP

cognitive dissonance