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Записи с темой: and so it is (список заголовков)

Infamous Impostor
I'm going to make a promise to myself and I'm going to try till the bitter end to keep it, because otherwise what's the fucking point of my life?
I'm going to join crossfit and become very strong and tone. I'm never going to smoke again (vaping doesn't count...yet). I'm going to save this fucking semester and wing it, even though it's going to be very hard to do at this point, but I'll do my best. I'm going to keep my 2 jobs and, hopefully, I'll get a third one at a hospital. I'm going to start making enough money to move out and finally live on my own. I'm going to move the fuck out and finally enjoy peace and quiet. And I'll keep working very hard to maintain that lifestyle. And then the time will come and I will graduate. I'll start paying off my student loans, while working possibly two jobs and taking pre-requisits for grad school at a community college. And maybe a year or year and a half later I will apply to USC Keck...and maybe even some other schools in other states. I will get into the program, whichever one I will qualify for most and will make ME happy. And two years later I will finally become a physicians assistant and I'll start making loads of money, which I will spend on traveling the world.
And this entire time from the starting point to the desired destination, I will never ever again let another human being drag me down and make me feel miserable. And I will fuck every single man in uniform I want but I won't let any of them close ever again. And who knows, somewhere down the line I will meet the person that I will truly and fully love, who will be an accomplished, happy person and will love me just the same.
NO wizard that there is or WAS

@темы: and so it is, HDA, C'est la vie


Infamous Impostor
...and all of it is an integral part of life. :)

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
That strange feeling when you just take it easy... out of nowhere.

@темы: and so it is, EW 101, C'est la vie


GFS encounter. #hcc

Infamous Impostor
That feeling you get when you accidentally catch your reflection in the mirror and you see it radiating pure happiness. And then you realize that you're scared of being happy, because of how momentary it has been for the past forever. I no longer I want to control my emotions. I like being happy, even if it's not gonna last. By now I should be able to pick up the pieces after shit hits the fan. I'll deal with the heartbreak later. I'm gonna try and be happy here and now.

@темы: and so it is, EW 101, DM, C'est la vie


Infamous Impostor
My last performance on GCC stage.

@настроение: sad, but not because of that...and also, not because of that either. just existentially sad.

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
Oh well.

@темы: HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
Ну вот и всё =) Осталось ждать и верить.

@темы: and so it is, MHP, HDA, DM


Infamous Impostor
People are important.

@настроение: =)

@темы: HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
I'm so happy I just want to punch myself :lol:

@настроение: =)))))

@темы: HDA, DM, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
Я очень благодарна вселенной за то что она мне послала Мэта :) Anyway you slice it, it all boils down to people around you. I can call myself anti-social all I want, but I'm not. I'm very much social and awesome...I'm fucking awesome and I love my life!
And I like the guy I raced topless to the stop sign :gigi:

@настроение: ы!

@темы: DM, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
It took me 1 year and 8 months to find a friend in this country. It is a really big deal for me, since I don't make friends easily. Frienship was is sacred. Especially after that fiasco with people who were my friends, family even, it's been even harder. I've almost given up on the idea of ever finding people to hang out with: people that I actually liked and I could have meaningful and, at the same time, fun conversations with; people who would take me as I am and liked me for that. It is incredibly difficult to perceive or explain even how hard it is to snap out of the state of complete existential crisis, especially when you are absolutely alone in this ginormous world. This world doesn't care about you, so at some point you stop caring about yourself. That's what happened to me. But, like I told Matt, I'm done with this shit.
I was wrong, and I couldn't be happier about it.
I can honestly say that I am really happy and I love my life here as it is, because there's a lot to it I've been missing out on. And, from now on, it's going to be even better.
So, yeah! Fuck everything that's happened. I've got this whole world in front of me at the tips of my fingers. Might as well enjoy, G. Just like you've always wanted.

@настроение: оказывается я так давно не смеялась)

@темы: DM, HDA, and so it is


Infamous Impostor
I used to make so many mistakes and yet I put so much of my soul into every single word that I had written. I still make mistakes, but somehow my soul is no longer in them. It has become so faded that I have no idea where to find the spark that will make my soul shine through my writting again.

I need you now more than ever...

@настроение: )

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, HDA, and so it is, delusion of possession


Infamous Impostor
I miss my inspiration.
I miss you so much.
I miss me.

@настроение: )

@темы: C'est la vie, EW 101, and so it is, HDA


The Imporance of Being. . . Gestalt

Infamous Impostor
Putting off.

It is inconceivable how much my life depends on the limited right combinations of words; words that once used to flow from my fingers, revealing the depth of my soul - a translucent reflection of my mind. It feels like somewhere along the line I have lost my touch. My ability to feel myself is disappearing, and numbness is taking over my existence.
It is ironic: I used to talk about numbness, and yet, when I look back I realize I knew nothing about it. I was alive, I was. . . myself. Somehow, the reality I am living in is trying to push me into a different direction, where thought and reason prevail over feelings. My soul is being ripped apart, its reflection worn out, bitter. . . stronger. (?)
I know the answers about life, but I forgot how to ask questions. I hope that one of these days is a turning point that will bring myself together: blasé, absorbed, whole.

@настроение: *sigh*

@темы: delusion of possession, coming someday, and so it is, MHP, HDA, C'est la vie


Infamous Impostor
Igor' was right.

@настроение: disgusted

@темы: EW 101, and so it is


12:40 AM

Infamous Impostor
... а сигареты есть всегда.

@настроение: смешанное)

@темы: delusion of possession, and so it is, MHP, HDA, C'est la vie


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Infamous Impostor
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11:23 (Diary's clock is off)

Infamous Impostor
It's been a long year, long being a euphemism for shitty and wasteful. I have only one New Year's resolution this year, which, I believe, is the most important one at this point of my life. And, let's leave it at that.

@настроение: not as bad as expected

@темы: DM, and so it is


Infamous Impostor

A year ago on this very day I was the happiest person in this world. I had it all: close friends who went through fire and water with me; a loved one, who I was meant to spend the rest of my life with and make it "ours"; a bright and amazing future I had been looking for for almost 7 years; terrific memories and even more terrific expectations ahead. Yes, I had it all.


Today is my special birthday - 23/23. Today I'm the loneliest and saddest person in this very same world that once made me feel so happy and inspired. It feels like the end of the world, the only difference is that I'm alone in this apocalypse. I do still have a little faith: I want to believe that whatever happen - happens for a reason, because otherwise my life does not make any sense. I just want it to get better. I want to be able to feel that happiness I had a year ago. But the truth is, I'm so lost that I don't think I'll be found ever again.



@темы: C'est la vie, DM, HDA, and so it is, delusion of possession


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Infamous Impostor
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cognitive dissonance