13:04 

Insipid.

Libita
Infamous Impostor
It is absolutely incredible how much I love this life. And yet, I do not have the faintest idea how to live it.

Am I ever going to learn?

Am I ever going to live?


Am I going to regain my voice? All that silence has been building up inside, causing me to stop fighting and succumb to it. I stopped caring about myself entirely. It is not the way to go, is it now? I do not know how to snap out of it. I do not even trust myself to put my shit together, scream, and break out of the shell I have driven myself into. I do not know how to help myself anymore. I just know that no possessions can ever fill that hole inside of me. Somewhere along the line it all stopped making sense to me.
I remember being miserable but inspired: inspired and in love with the world around and inside of me. Now I am neither. I believe this is what real numbness feels like. At some point that girl that used to be me stopped pounding on the door of my consciousness, and silence fell upon me. I do not know what it is going to take to breathe life into her.
They say desperate diseases must have desperate cures, so, I guess it is going to take living to cure insipidity.

I am going to live.

And, I will learn. . . eventually.



@музыка: Prince & The Revolution - Purple Rain

@настроение: numb

@темы: C'est la vie, delusion of possession

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cognitive dissonance

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